Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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