I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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