You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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