never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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