Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize