Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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