You made me cry and you don't even care
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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