Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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