Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
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And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
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I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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