I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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