smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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