it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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