Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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