I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize