I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize