I could have mohawked her pubes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
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The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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