So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize