Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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