You're so nebulous sometimes
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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