you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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