complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize