I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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God, you're like boner-b-gone
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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