OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she pinky promised me she was 18
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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