just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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