she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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