call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize