Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We need to get me chipped asap
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