I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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