Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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