How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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