how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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