I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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