my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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