He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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