he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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