I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize