I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
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Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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