It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize