Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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