honey bunches of taint.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
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you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
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I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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