I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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