just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize