I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize