we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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