In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I want to fling myself into the sun
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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