god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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