HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
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The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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