Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i out mim tonsoeep
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