Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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