I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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